Parent Teacher Conferences

I did parent teacher conferences for the boys on Thursday and Friday since we were going to be gone on our ski vacation during the official conference times.

Ms Getty, Adam's teacher, is very nice and nurturing - great qualities for a kindergarten teacher. Adam is doing fine, but definitely not tearing things up. Ms Getty said that the class is a very young class with a lot of late birthdays and that it's been challenging for her, especially since she had a very mature class last year. We don't think that we will hold Adam back, but there's certainly that pull as a parent to try to do whatever you can to help your child academically since academics are such a big part of kid's lives and struggling academically can cause so many other problems.

I read a NY Times article about how a lot of parents are holding their kids back in kindergarten to give them an advantage and that no parent that held their kid back ever regretted it, but there were many that didn't hold them back and regretted it.

Adam has yet to hit his academic stride and, despite our reasoning with him, he can be a sore loser. However, Adam does have a lot of things going for him: He likes to play independently using his imaginiation and he doesn't walk around saying he's bored like Derek does; When Adam's in a group he likes to take charge; But, his biggest asset as Helen is quick to point out...is that he's so darn cute! He has that brooding, independent, cute thing going on. Helen says that it's his eyes.

We can already see it. Adam's going to continually question why he needs to pay attention in school when "he's never going to use any of it." He's going to lie to us about where he is and who he's with and when we catch him he's going to say, "oh" just like he does now. In a nutshell...he's going to be trouble...but we're going to love him with all our heart.

Derek's been telling us about the various crushes (who likes who) going on in his class, so Helen was asking Adam who he liked in his class. Adam said, "I think Erin is cute." Then Helen asked Adam, "Who thinks you're cute?" Adam turned around with a little bit of bashfulness, but mostly just delivering the facts and said, "Well, everybody thinks I'm cute."

Derek, on the other hand, is tearing things up in school. He just loves his teacher, Ms Sutton, and she really loves and appreciates him. His first grade teacher was an older teacher who didn't really seem to want to differentiate kids by ability. She didn't even know that Derek could read chapter books until we pressed her on it. His second grade teacher seemed to be aggravated by Derek's eagerness rather than channeling it.

Ms Sutton said that Derek is well liked and that he has lots of interesting observations, although he can be a little too eager and speak out without raising his hand. He also enjoys helping the other kids and he seems to be able to explain things in a way that the kids can understand. Ms Sutton said that many times she'll make statements that are kind of just to herself and that she'll look over and see that Derek "got it".

Derek has all A's and did great on his standardized tests. He scored in the 99th percentile on the Iowa Basic Skills test, which measures academic knowledge and he scored in the highest grouping (9) in all areas for a profile of (9A) on the CogAT test, which measures non-academic cognitive ability!

As parents, we are certainly proud of our kids, but in the end it's really innate traits that have very little to do with us. We can nurture their abilities and provide an environment that helps them excel, however most of it is up to them. As I stomp around saying all the time under my breath, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

I was reading an article about a local kid that was the top student in his high school a couple years ago and is now a Rhodes Scholar at UGA. His parents are both physicians and own a local chain of medical clinics. The kid's siblings were also top students. On the other hand, Helen works with a lady whose daughter was the valedictorian, but the younger son struggled to graduate. The kids were raised in the same environment, one excelled academically and one struggled.

I've always been intrigued by high achieving families like when everyone in the family is a doctor or a lawyer. How much is personal desire and how much is family pressure? Probably cases of both.

I was always a good student, but not an elite student. I would do what I had to do and had the discipline to make sure I knew the required material, but I never had the drive to do more than I had to (and I haven't changed). Science fair...what's in it for me? Derek seems to have the natural curiosity that may drive him to that elite level.

I think most parents, including us, just want their kids to grow up and be happy, regardless of their profession or how much money they make. We are obligated to drive them to be the best that they can be without making them be something they aren't.